Just This Once
by just-O
Summary: Just some short, stand alone one-shots in which Mustang finds himself allowing Fullmetal to be treated like a child just this once. (But really it'll be multiple times in different one-shots). Here in lies: Fluffy PARENTAL!RoyEd. Rated T for some swears but content is K-plus.
1. Hands

**1**

 **Prompt: Ed gets lost in a crowd and Mustang's punishment if hardly a punishment at all.**

 **Warnings: This is aimed mostly at PARENTAL!RoyEd. Depending on your goggles you** _ **may**_ **be able to skew it to see RoyxEd. I will always have my issues with that particular pairing, but you crazies see what you wish to see. Just know this was intended as PARENTAL and PARENTAL only. Oh, also I admit everyone is pretty OOC. Normally I claim, "'Tis the nature of fanfiction," but normally I also try to keep them in character at least a little. This was more, "screw it I'm writing what I want to write." -(That's how all these one-shots will be.) Oh, also, there's not really a plot in this particular one-shot. Let's just think of this as a free write with purpose.**

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This was _not_ good. Nope. Not good at all. But Ed would catch up eventually, he was sure. Well, he was mostly sure. He hoped...

And if he didn't, this wasn't entirely his fault. This was the worst place for a stakeout ever. It was too busy. Busy didn't exist where he was from. Plus, who really cared if a few goods were being taken from the market? Or maybe they were being sold? He probably should have read the file for today's mission. _Too late now…_

Ed tried to look through people's arms and catch any glimpses of his comrades up ahead, or to the left? The right? He turned in a circle and tried to find a landmark on one of the perimeter buildings. "Crap." They all looked like brick buildings. "This is why I hate the city…" he muttered to himself.

In the absence of anyone he knew, he couldn't help but grow a little anxious, and his eyebrows knit together as he tried to decide which way might be right.

 _Should I try to find them? Or do I just wait here? If I wait here maybe they'll come back for me. But what if they don't? Then I'll just be standing here. I wish Al was here. He's tall enough to see over everyone. Why do I have to be so-_

"Oof!" Ed got jostled to his left by an old lady hurrying by with a basket full of green vegetables. "Hey!" He shouted after her, but she was already lost in the crowd. "Sheesh, lady. Just because you're old doesn't mean you have the right to be rude…" He looked at his surroundings. "Dammit. Now I really don't know which direction we were going."

He took a step toward the street on his left and then hesitated because that didn't feel like the right way. Right seemed better. Or maybe straight?

This was no longer funny. It had been initially, but he also thought he'd be able to catch up before...now he wasn't so sure. And they didn't seem to notice he was gone. _What if they fire me for being incompetent? I didn't mean to get lost._

"Uh, Havoc?" he said just loud enough for the man next to him to give him a funny look and roll of his eyes before continuing on his way. Ed grimaced and started futzing with the hem of his coat. This was so embarrassing. He was yelling out for an adult like some needy child. "Hawkeye?" he called a little louder and very unsure that anyone was listening. He was getting frustrated with this predicament. "Colonel?" he all but shouted, his voice wavering slightly.

"Fullmetal, I said to stay close." He turned around and Mustang had come back. The man looked displeased, but like also somewhat relieved as he approached. Ed felt an unknown weight come off his shoulders. "This is the opposite of close."

"But, I didn't do it on purpose," he defended. "I got cut off by some lady pushing a cart…and then I lost sight of you...and then..."

Mustang raised an eyebrow. "And then what? You couldn't run and catch up?" He smirked. "Let me guess, you couldn't see us over the crowd, could you?"

Ed's head tilted downwards and he looked away. He would normally blow up, but that actually had been the case this time. "So what..."

Mustang held back a laugh by coughing into his hand. He was amused by the entirety of the situation. This was ridiculous. He couldn't believe Ed had actually gotten lost in a crowd. Even more, he couldn't believe he himself had gone back to look for him. He should've left his new recruit find them on his own. That had been his plan until he thought about it and changed his mind.

Mostly because he was afraid the young alchemist would cause a riot or something crazy. In the past three months, he'd learned that this tiny twelve year old was capable of amassing quite the sum for repairs to be billed to the state. So he'd told Havoc and the rest to keep moving ahead while he dropped back. Then he'd gotten close to the main square where he'd assumed he'd lost the boy and never in his life did he think he'd actually appreciate that this kid liked red so much. He'd stuck out like a sore thumb.

Now Mustang studied Edward for a moment and decided he knew how to fix the problem of getting lost and it might even be a suitable punishment.

"Alright, Fullmetal. If you're going to get lost like a child, you will be treated like a child." He firmly grabbed the blond's left hand and started dragging the boy behind him.

He didn't see Ed's eyes, they were wide as they could be, and his mouth dropped open in a surprised 'Oh.' Too shocked to protest, or say anything really, Ed just followed behind his superior.

They weaved through the square and Ed looked up at the back of Roy's head. Then he focused on the large gloved hand holding his much smaller gloved one. Mustang's hand was warm, and it sent little sparks up his arm. Memories of a time long past flashed through his head. His mother had held their hands, nearly every time they walked to the Rockbell's or went to the small market. Her hands were lovingly soft and very gentle.

This was different. Mustang's grip was firm and somehow very comforting. He blushed to himself. No one had held his hand in years. And the older man's hand fully enveloped Ed's smaller one and he felt...well...safe. He was sure he wouldn't get lost again if it was like this. He almost wished it could be like this more often. He blushed to himself even harder because that train of thought was so preposterous. This was Mustang after all and the only reason his hand was being held now was because he had failed to keep up. He was that stereotypical lost kid in a crowded market. This was his 'punishment'.

Ed felt a bubbly kind of happiness in his chest, and the corners of his lips twisted up. Maybe he should get lost more often, he thought. But just in case he didn't get lost again, he would bask in what was offered to him today. He unconsciously squeezed Mustang's hand back and held on tight.

Mustang felt the smaller hand curl around his, almost desperate for the contact it seemed. He peeked at the blond out of the corner of his eye, and his eyebrows shot up for a millisecond before he masked his surprise.

Edward Elric, youngest State Alchemist ever, was smiling. Not a smirk, or a mischievous grin, it was a carefree, true, and young smile. He probably had no idea it was even on his face. He looked just like any other child his age, content to be dragged along by the people they trusted most. Why this kid seemed to trust him was beyond his comprehension.

His heart skipped a beat and a flash of fear shot through him. This wasn't how their relationship was supposed to work…

Mustang second guessed his decision to hold the boy's hand now. People might get the wrong idea. _What if they think I'm stealing him? We don't look alike at all. I can't even pass for a brother or cousin..._

He almost decided to let go, but another chance glimpse of the contented look on Ed's face wouldn't let him. Instead he tightened his grip and kept walking. An unknown smile of his own found its way onto his face.

It wouldn't hurt to indulge this child _just this once_.

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 **A/N: Okay. So This is probably the first of many one-shots that will or will not be related. I just need to get some ideas out of my head. These will be all the things I wish happened, but in reality were never possible because that's not how their relationship worked. Still, I enjoyed writing this fluffy piece of crack fluff. Hope you enjoyed reading. And if you didn't I'm sorry. Elle, oh Elle.**

 **O**


	2. Child

**Thank you to all those people that reviewed, favorited, and followed. There's nothing better than knowing other people are as crazy as you.**

 **2**

 **Prompt: (Now Starring: First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye.) Ed falls asleep in the car a few months after being in the military. Riza tells Roy to let him sleep.**

 **Warning: Another short little bout of intended PARENTAL!RoyEd. Cheezy, fluffy, cracky FLUFF. I would say I tried to keep them in character, but who am I kidding? I took several liberties with this one. Just like the last one. So everyone is probably pretty OOC. 'Tis the nature of "screw it I'm writing what I want to write." Once again, I will claim free write with purpose. NO PLOT.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **Please enjoy! Or don't! I'm crazy. I don't really care. (I totally do though...)**

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"He's sleeping, sir." Hawkeye informed him after checking her rear view mirror.

Mustang twisted in his seat and looked behind him. Sure enough, the young State Alchemist was passed out. His eyes were closed, his mouth was slightly open, and his entire upper body had listed to the right, and now lay slumped against the rear passenger side door. He opened his mouth to rouse him, but that was as far as he got because Hawkeye had grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back to the front.

"You should let him sleep, sir. He seems exhausted."

"Of course he does," Roy drawled. "He's in the military now. I never told him it would be easy."

"True, but you have to remember he's only twelve, sir. Pardon my saying, but I think you need to take that into consideration more than you do." The woman was a highly attentive driver so her eyes never once left the road or her mirrors, but Mustang could tell by the tone of her voice that she wanted to make eye contact, give him a pointed look, and make sure he'd heard her.

Mustang looked back at the blond again, and then turned back to the front and resituated himself so he was comfortable again. He leaned his elbow on the window sill and let his chin rest against his fist. "Ok, fine. He can sleep. Are you happy, Lieutenant?" He asked sarcastically.

"Immensely, sir," she deadpanned back.

They rode the rest of the way to the hotel that the boys were staying at in relative silence. And when they arrived, Hawkeye slowed to a stop, quietly put the car in park, and shut off the engine. She turned around to check on Edward with her own two eyes, then reached her hand back and softly brushed a few strands of hair out of his face.

"He must be so tired," she cooed. Ed would've shouted in protest had he been cognizant, but right now he was at the blonde woman's mercy. "I don't have the heart to wake him up now that we're here."

"Just leave him in the car and lock the doors then," Roy suggested. "I'll walk you home."

Riza gave him a look. "Sir, I'm not leaving a child in my car over night."

Roy snorted. "Fullmetal is many things, but he is _not_ a child. I'm waking him up." He opened his door and got out. Riza sighed disappointedly.

He looked through the rear window before opening the door. He wasn't so cruel that he'd want the blond to fall out into the street. Then he'd have to help him up.

"Fullmetal," he called quietly. He reached over and undid the seatbelt buckle before giving Ed a small shake. "Come on, the Lieutenant has to go home. And so do you."

Ed released a high-pitched whine of protest, surprising all present except of course himself.

Recovering, Mustang gave him another shake. "Come on. Up, Fullmetal." He sounded like he was talking to a new puppy. Which...he kind of was.

Ed moaned again and his heavy eyelids opened languidly.

"Good morning, princess," Roy teased. "Get out of the car. We're at your hotel."

Ed blearily looked around, then slowly slid out of the car. He leaned against the car, enough out of the way so that Mustang could close the door. He was so tired. And the car was actually pretty comfortable. He leaned his head on the metal frame. He felt himself slipping back into dreamland.

"Fullmetal, you have to wake up," Mustang said, poking the boy in the shoulder. 'Hey. Are you listening?" He didn't look like he was listening...

Mustang was talking to him, but it was all fuzzy. He sounded far away. Ed's jaw creaked when he yawned. _So tired._ _Just close my eyes for a couple seconds_ , he thought. His brain shut off then and he was lost to the conscious world. Ed's body relaxed and his knees buckled instantly, sending him plummeting.

"Woah!" Mustang couldn't help but shout. He quickly caught the small alchemist by his underarms and hauled him back to a standing position, except instead of standing, _he_ was the one supporting all 91 pounds of tiny State Alchemist.

Riza reached over and rolled down the window. "Sir?"

Roy looked at Fullmetal, who had swayed forward and was now leaning heavily against him, then to her, and then his mouth fell open at a loss for what to even say, so he went with the obvious. "He, uh, didn't wake up."

Riza quickly appraised the situation, then slowly started to smirk. "I have a suggestion, sir."

"Please. I'm all ears."

"I think it would be best if you just picked him up, sir."

"No. Different suggestion, Lieutenant," he said instantly.

"Sir, the hotel is right there," she pointed for emphasis. "Unless you don't think you _can_ carry him." They stood for a moment in silence, which she broke with a sigh. She unbuckled her seatbelt. "Don't worry. I'll do it, sir. He can't weigh that much. Even with the automail," she challenged, already knowing she had won.

Roy unconsciously pulled his charge closer to him. "Wait, no. There's no need for you to get out, Lieutenant." He cleared his throat. "You're right. It's just right there. I'll do it."

He deftly twisted the twelve year old around and lifted him up by his armpits.

Roy's eyes widened as soon as the kid was in his arms, because despite being so very passed out, Ed's arms had reached and fastened themselves around his neck. Ed's legs had hugged his hips and now hung on either of his sides. And Ed's head had slowly settled and was resting on his shoulder.

Mustang was bearing most of the weight on his forearms which were securely tucked under the kid's rear, but Ed was somehow helping him because this did not feel like 91 pounds. The movements had been an instant reaction to being held. And it kind of freaked him out. Was that normal?

He looked at his most loyal of subordinates, hoping she could offer some advice.

She was laughing.

"What?" he asked warily. He wasn't sure he really wanted to know.

"I'm sorry, sir, but your _face._ " She choked on another laugh and snickered, tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. "Your reaction, sir. It was priceless. In all the years I've known you, I've never seen you look so...so...startled? Confused? I can't think of a good word for it, but I'm never going to forget that look now."

"Well, I'm so glad, I'm able to entertain you, Lieutenant," he shifted Ed over to his right side, hiking him a little higher in the process. "I take it you knew that grabby-clutchy thing he did was going to happen? How? Is he faking?" His eyes narrowed suspiciously.

Riza's chuckles had died down and she shook her head. "He's not faking. He's still asleep, sir. That was a reflex. It's something _children_ ," she hung onto that last word a moment, "just do. It's natural. He feels lighter than he is, doesn't he?"

"Well, yes, but not by much. This," he pointed with his eyes, "is still almost 100 pounds."

"Of course, sir. And that's...quite a bit, I'm sure. May I suggest you drop him off with his brother now?"

Mustang turned and started walking towards the building. "Best idea you've had all night. Be right back."

He still couldn't believe he'd agreed to this, he thought as he once again adjusted Edward, who snuggled his head closer to his neck until warm breath was ghosting across the surface and the slender arms held on just slightly tighter than before. He guessed that was a reflex as well and sighed.

Riza was right. Edward Elric, one of the most talented and formidable alchemists in the military, really was a child. How did he not see that most days? Because right now it was rather obvious. Asleep like this, the blond was quiet and-though it felt wrong to say it-he was vulnerable.

And that scared Roy. It scared him that he could feel the rise and fall of the boy's small chest against his own broader one. It scared him that the boy was so light, being half his own weight. It scared him that the boy was so small in general. Hawkeye may have been joking when she offered to carry him, but he had no doubt that with her height and training, she could have done so with great ease. But worst of all. It terrified him that deep down-deep, _deep_ down-he really didn't mind doing this. He felt needed. He felt like he was the only person who could protect this child in his arms. He felt like, if there was another opportunity to provide this small service to Edward, that he wouldn't think twice.

But that couldn't happen. This was not his child. Well, it _was_ in a way since he'd actually had to sign a paper before letting Ed join, but Ed would never know that. The boy would likely be furious if he ever found out. No. This was not his child. This was his subordinate first and foremost. And he had to be ready to give orders and enforce proper discipline. If he got too close, he would become lax, and that could lead to death. Death of a civilian, death of a comrade, or death of the boy himself. This boy didn't need any more death in his life. No more loss.

So for the sake of preventing the loss, the breakdown of good order and discipline, this would be a one time deal. Because it had to be. Not because he wanted it to be. Though if it happened again, he really wouldn't mind.

 **88888888**

 **A/N: So...where did this idea come from? (Nobody cares, a voice far off in the distance shouted.) Well from carrying my cousins of course. They automatically somehow know where to grab and even though I swear one of them was 40 pounds and five, she wasn't. Apparently, she's about 70 pounds and almost nine now….God, I am a horrible judge of ages. I mean, my grandma has been 65 for like 15 years now. Also if you think Ed is too old to be carried, I disagree. I think anyone can be carried. Hell, I gave my friend a piggy back ride just last weekend. My friend is 22. It's just nice to be carried and to carry sometimes. Makes people feel loved. Anyway, Thank you very much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. And if you didn't I'm sorry. Elle, oh Elle.**

 **O**

" _You will never be too old for me to carry you. Too big, perhaps, but never too old." ~ Anonymous Loving Mother_


	3. Cold

**Thank you to anyone who took the time to review, favorite, and follow. Every one of those notifications means a lot to me! You guys are awesome!**

 **3**

 **Prompt: (Now Starring: Second Lieutenants Havoc and Breda.) Edward is cold. Roy is tired.**

 **Warnings: PARENTAL!RoyED. Obviously OOC-ness. Like seriously with this one, CHILDISH!Ed warning is go. I think we've gotten the hang of the whole "screw it I'm writing what I want to write" concept. NO PLOT. This happened in a matter of hours while sleep deprived. Did I mention FLUFF yet? Cause I'm pretty sure this qualifies as FLUFF. EPIC FLUFF.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **88888888**

The storm outside raged, the wind making the walls of the small shelter creak and groan. Inside, safely guarded from the torrential downpour, resided Colonel Mustang, Second Lieutenants Havoc and Breda, and one Edward Elric. The three men had made themselves comfortable by sitting on the cheaply made, metal chairs, but Edward had opted for standing by the poorly insulated window, hoping the rain would stop before it got too late so they could find actual lodging. He'd been standing there, or occasionally pacing back and forth, for about an hour. He had great focus.

During that time, Breda had settled into his chair and kicked his feet up on another. He now sat with arms crossed and his head bowed forward, asleep. It hadn't taken long for him to doze off with the constant rain as background noise. Plus he'd always been a magnificent sleeper. Didn't matter where he was.

In the chair just a few feet from him sat Havoc. The man had an unlit cigarette resting between his lips. He'd attempted lighting this cigarette just a little while ago when he'd grown antsy from watching Ed doing...whatever it was he was doing. Of course the minute he'd pulled out his box of matches, his superior's voice had lazily said, "If you want to slowly kill yourself, be my guest, but do it outside."

He'd given the man a pleading look, but Mustang was a stone-faced monster. Probably took pleasure in watching him go through withdrawal. So Havoc had put his matches away and made do with just pretending and looking forward to lighting his cancer stick the moment the rain let up. Which didn't seem like it would be any time soon.

They'd probably be stuck here for the night, the way he saw it. Though, all things considered, it could be worse. They were lucky there just happened to be a shelter nearby when the first drops of light drizzle had started pattering down. If it had started any earlier or later they would have gotten stuck in the sudden deluge. They got a little wet, sure, but at least they weren't soaking. The shelter wouldn't have been very useful then.

The window shook from a particularly strong gust, water slapping the thin pane. Then the door blew open, it slammed against the wall with the same intensity that the door to the office opened with whenever the blond boy had to come in on, what they all simply referred to as, "a bad day."

Edward had jumped and Breda startled awake. Nobody moved to shut it and water continued to pour through the opening in waves.

Mustang sighed loudly before loudly ordering, "Fullmetal, close the door."

"Oh. Right." The young alchemist nodded and quickly ran over, and he slammed it shut. The doorknob rattled and he looked at the door warily. "I don't think it's gonna stay shut for very long…"

"Figure it out, Fullmetal."

Ed frowned, then blushed because the solution was so simple. He clapped his hands and pressed them to the door, creating a seal and locking them inside, but most importantly he was keeping the rain out and the cold from getting in.

Mustang leaned back, crossed one leg over the other, and grunted his approval. "Maybe wanna do some work on your window too? It's getting later, so it's only going to get colder."

"So?" Ed asked. "It's not like we'll be here all night."

Havoc coughed awkwardly and made eye contact with Breda, before their attention turned to the colonel to see his response.

The man gave Ed a pointed look. "Do you really think we're getting out of here tonight, Fullmetal? With the way this storm is going? You've been studying it long enough. It's getting worse, don't you think?" He got his answer when Ed's lips drew into a flat line and he fiddled with the edge of his red coat. "We're staying here for the night. Then we'll wake up early and continue to the town. It'll take a few days to do the inspections, so we'll eventually stay in proper lodging, but for tonight, this is as good as it's going to get. So you might as well fix that window like you did the door, then come get comfortable. You're putting us on edge."

Ed grumbled something in response with a discontented scowl but clapped his hands nonetheless, sealing the window as best he could. He walked over to the opposite end of the small room and grabbed a chair, and then noisily started dragging the thing over to the trio. It screeched like nails on a chalkboard. Breda covered his ears, Havoc cringed, and Mustang groaned in disapproval.

"Fullmetal, just because you don't want to stay here, does _not_ mean you get to have an attitude. Now pick up the damn chair and get over here."

"I don't have an attitude," he muttered, rolling his golden irises disrespectfully. Then he picked up the chair and finished the short journey to the center of the room. He dropped the chair and plopped down, small arms crossed across his chest, a pout on his lips.

"Go to sleep, Fullmetal," Mustang ordered. "You're cranky and it's pissing me off. None of wants to be staying here."

"Not tired," he muttered sulkily. Still, Edward closed his eyes and curled up onto the chair so he could rest his head on the metal armrest. He did often get tired from a lot of traveling. Then there was the weather and the being cold and the having to tolerate the Colonel's didn't take long before his breathing slowed and his body relaxed.

Havoc smirked at the kid, amused by the way he'd dropped off-despite being 'not tired'-and also amused by the way his small body was contorted into what looked like an uncomfortable position. The blue-eyed man almost wished he was small enough to curl up on his chair, and that he was young enough that he wouldn't have the hugest crick in his neck afterwards. Must be nice to be a kid.

Havoc took the cigarette out of his mouth and put it back in his pack, and sighed longingly. With the door sealed he wasn't going to be smoking anytime soon, he might as well get some shut eye. It was dark outside now, which could have been from the storm, but it also could have been because it was nine o'clock now.

"What time are we waking up, boss?"

Mustang ran a hand through his hair. "Five? That sounds like a good time. An extra hour to sleep in."

Havoc grunted in agreement and nodded to Breda. "Let me share that foot rest, would ya?"

"Sure thing." The broad man hooked his boots on the arms and dragged it across the floor, making the same screeching sound that Ed had earlier. All three men cringed and instantly looked at the youngest with bated breath. They sighed collectively after seeing that there had been no reaction whatsoever. "Sorry, guys. My bad."

"Do I even need to say what I'm about to say?" Mustang asked idly, resting his elbow on the armrest, and then settling his cheek in his hand.

Breda stood up and gave him an unsteady grin. "No, I got it, Colonel. I'll pick it up."

Havoc snickered. And after the chair had been settled between Breda and himself, he kicked up his heels and got comfortable, Breda mirroring him. "Good night, gang."

"Hn." Mustang grunted, closing his eyes.

A couple hours later, Mustang's eyes snapped open when he heard a small whine of discomfort come from the chair to his right.

Havoc had also woken up and he cracked an eye open. His jaw stretched into a yawn. "What was that?"

Mustang pointed at Ed who was in the process of readjusting his position on the metal chair. He curled his legs up more onto the chair, but one of them just inevitably slipped back down because there just wasn't enough room. It didn't matter how small he was. He whimpered again and a violent shiver wracked his frame.

Covering a yawn, Mustang tapped the boy's chair with his boot, hoping to wake him. The childish cries were making him uncomfortable. It made him feel apprehensive. Unfortunately for him, Ed didn't wake up at the small movement, so he was forced to stand. He put a hand on Ed's shoulder to shake him. His eyes widened and then he groaned. "Dammit, Edward."

"What is it, boss?" Havoc asked, yawning again, hoping he'd be able to go back to sleep in a minute. Oh how he wished he was a deep sleeper like Breda.

"His coat. It's damp. No wonder he's cold."

"Why didn't he say anything earlier? Or take it off?"

The colonel grimaced. "He really thought we'd be getting to a hotel, I think. And we didn't take our jackets off, so he followed suit." He pointed to Havoc. "Ours are water resistant though. His is not." He shook Ed by his shoulder. "Fullmetal. Hey, wake up."

Ed moaned as he regained consciousness and blearily looked up at his superior. "Whaaaaat?" he complained. "'m tired…"

"Yeah, I know. So are we. But you're going to catch a cold if you keep that jacket on any longer. Take it off."

"It's cold."

"I know it is, but your jacket is wet, Edward. Now give it here."

Ed huffed irritably but slowly maneuvered out of the wet fabric and didn't stop Mustang when the man took it from him. He curled back up on the chair and Mustang draped the jacket over one of the extra chairs.

Mustang walked back over to the group and dropped himself heavily into his chair. He looked at Ed, whose teeth chattered noisily. Shivers spasmed through his frame every few seconds. Mustang sighed heavily. "Come here, Edward."

"No," the child mumbled back to him defiantly. He curled in on himself tighter.

"Ed, just come over here. You're cold. I'm tired. Havoc's tired. We can't sleep with all the noise you're making." Nothing. "Ed, if you don't get over here, I will come over there, pick you up, and drag you over here myself."

Ed fussed for a minute but slid off the chair and trudged over to the dark haired man, hugging his arms across his chest. As soon as he was within reach, Mustang circled an arm around the boy's midsection and dragged the twelve year old onto his lap.

Ed's eyes turned into pinpricks and he panicked. "Wait, what are you-?"

"It'll be warmer like this. For both of us." He wrapped his arms around the still shaking child and leaned back in the chair. Edward was stiff as a board. "Edward, just relax." He said, rocking gently. "We won't even talk about this in the morning, I promise. Now,please, just go to sleep."

The shivers were becoming less and less frequent, and Edward realized that Mustang was right. _This_ was _warmer._ He let out a contented sigh and slowly started to relax. Closing his eyes, he reclined against the man's chest and settled in. It had been years since he'd been held like this, and while he never, ever would have chosen to be held like this by the colonel of all people, he wasn't exactly displeased with the current situation. The colonel made a pretty good one-time pillow. He was warm and far more comfortable than the metal chair. Edward felt safe. He yawned and slipped into unconsciousness with a small peaceful smile tugging at his lips.

Mustang let his eyes slide shut when he felt the rhythmic, slow breathing of his still very young charge. Ed wasn't shivering. There were no more distressed whines. _He's finally asleep._ Now they could all finally join him-well, him and Breda, deep-sleeping bastard.

"Night, boss," a voice whispered from across their small circle.

"G'night, Havoc." Roy hummed in response. "Oh, and it goes without saying, but this never happened. If anyone hears of it. I'll court martial you." The threat was empty, but the night wouldn't have been complete without it.

"I don't know what you're talking about, boss." He could practically hear the man grinning.

"Good man." Roy rested his chin on top of the blond's head and pulled the smaller alchemist closer to his chest. _This was a good idea._ He smiled. _He's warm. I'm warm. We still have six hours before we need to wake up._ His slipped further away and finally back into darkness.

 **88888888**

 **A/N: I need help. Like seriously….I obviously have a thing about sleeping. Ed always ends up asleep….And I'm sorry….(not really). So, where did this idea come from? (Asked no one ever.) Well let me tell you. What happened was, I forgot that it was supposed to get cold over the last few days and went outside with just as measly sweatshirt. I walked and shivered, and I shivered and walked. And my teeth would not stop chattering, even though I tried to put on a brave face and not feel like a complete idiot. (Which I was an idiot. Just so we're clear.) Anywho, this idea came along while I was walking and freezing my ass and face off and I saw a couple walking together-together as in hugging. They were hug-walking. How they were walking and hugging at the same time, I'm not quite sure but it was impressive and all I could think was,** ' _ **Damn I'd really like a hug right now.'**_ **And then I was like, I know. I need to make Ed cold. That'll prompt** _ **something**_ **, right? And it did. And thus this little diddy was created. Voila and/or oops….**

 **If you liked it, let me know! If you hated it, I am so sorry. I know it was OOC. Elle, oh Elle.**

 **O**


	4. Bored

**4**

 **Prompt: Ed is doing something and it takes Roy a while to figure it out.**

 **Warning: PARENTAL or BROTHERLY….FLUFF….prolly OOC…. "screw it I'm writing what I want to write"...WE HAVE PLOT….Just kidding. Still NO PLOT.**

 **Read on. Good luck.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **88888888**

Edward Elric followed Colonel Mustang on their way back to the office. He had been forced into going with the man to run an errand. Sure the errand was a case, and sure the case was alchemy related, and yes he was a subject matter expert of a sort, but still. His skills should have been directed elsewhere. Somewhere more important, like doing research, not trying to put together clues so they could catch some convenience store thief. It's not like he had been hurting anyone.

He hopped up on a small wall to his right and flung his arms out so he could balance.

This had been such a waste of time. Of course, he had been an integral part of catching the culprit this afternoon, but he shouldn't have had to help, if you asked him. It took him like five minutes to figure out the man's method for breaking in. He'd been using the sewer system and some underground tunnels from one hundred years prior when there was a lot of black market dealing in Central. Well, more than there was now. And from there, the guy had simply used an array to manipulate the ground above him, kinda like what he did when he created mud walls. Then he'd simply just fix the damage he'd done to the store's floor and walk out the front door with girly magazines with girls in them or something. The colonel hadn't let him look. Probably cause he liked the girly magazines.

He snickered to himself and hopped off the small wall, which had unfortunately come to an end. He looked at the sidewalk and lengthened his strides. He looked at how the sidewalk was broken into segments about three strides long. Well, three strides long for him. He watched the colonel's feet ahead of him. The man took about two steps per block. Ed smiled to himself accepting his own challenge. _I bet I can take only two steps per block._ He hopped over the crack of the current block and stretched his other leg as far forward as he could. It was close, but he just made it into the next block. He had to jump a little farther each time, but he finally landed on one of the cracks. "Dang it," he muttered to himself.

Mustang perked back over his shoulder. "What was that, Fullmetal?"

"Nothing," Ed said innocently.

Mustang slowly lifted one of his eyebrows, "Right. Well, keep up then. You're falling behind."

Ed childishly mimicked the man behind his back, then hurried to catch up.

His gaze once again fell to the man's feet. Smiling, he had a new idea. He got as close as he could without touching the colonel and stepped in time with him, reaching his legs as far as he could to shadow the man. He was glad the man wasn't taking his full stride, otherwise there was no way this would have worked. He continued this way for a distance, having to double up on his steps every so often to stay close, but this was way more successful than the two steps per block challenge.

And then Mustang stopped and Ed's face rammed unexpectedly into the man's back. "Ow!" He hopped back and rubbed his nose.

"What the-?"

"Hey!" Ed shouted indignantly. "What the heck?! Why'd you stop?"

Roy frowned in confusion. "Oh, I'm sorry, Fullmetal," he apologized sarcastically. "I wasn't really in the mood to get run over today." He pointed at a car passing by in front of them. "Why were you following so close, anyway?"

Ed looked away with a blush. "You said to keep up."

"Keep up a little farther away." Mustang squeezed the bridge of his nose. "Actually, no. Walk in front of me, so I can watch you. You're making me anxious."

Ed shrugged and didn't skip ahead of him-except he actually really did-hopping across the street and leaping from one white line of the crosswalk to the next.

Mustang raised both eyebrows, frozen on the street corner. What…? Was _that_? He rubbed his temples and shook his head, chalking it up to his long day toting Fullmetal around with him.

Before their little field trip, this case had been a disaster for two weeks. For two weeks, his men hadn't been able to figure out how Stephen Phipps had been infiltrating numerous corner stores by seemingly walking through the front door. None of his men were alchemists. Their perp was. That hadn't crossed his mind as a possibility until he read over a recent report and saw the young man's hobbies. It was then that he thought he might have to get involved. And since Edward had been in town, he figured he might as well make the boy suffer with him. He regretted that poorly thought out decision the entire day.

" _Do I have to go….This is a waste of time….I'm hungry…..These guys are stupid….When can I go to the library….Why do I have to be here for this…..This stuff is so simple, even Winry could figure it out….This guy was just stealing magazines….Why won't you let me see them….I bet you read them too, don't you….Can we go home_ noooooow _?"_

The damn brat did not shut up. He'd developed his migraine early on, and it had only recently started to subside on their strangely quiet walk home. He was _not_ taking this kid on any other cases. Ever.

He looked a few meters ahead of him. Edward was walking with an awkward gait. Was he hurt? He was sure nothing happened today that could have harmed Fullmetal, but just in case, Mustang quickly marched ahead to catch up only to find that Fullmetal was likely not hurt at all.

The sidewalk near the gates was made of brick. It was like a parquet wood floor, laid out like a checkerboard with every other square of bricks laid out horizontally then vertically then horizontally again, etc. Edward was deliberately stepping only on the vertically facing squares, matching the direction he was headed. So, no, the boy wasn't hurt. Thankfully. He was just…..well he didn't really know what he was doing. The kid was being weird.

Roy was perplexed by the odd behavior for a moment and then it clicked. A disbelieving smile spread across his face. He was _playing_. This was not the Fullmetal Alchemist, military brat. This was just Ed, the boy, and he was playing. What he was playing, Roy had no clue, but he seemed to be enjoying himself. And he was quiet. He had been for a while. He must have been playing the entire walk back.

Ahh, okay. Well, this was new. And for Roy, very unexpected. It shouldn't have been though.

Edward was twelve after all. And twelve was still a child and children played sometimes. A lot sometimes. Seeing Edward having a good time was nice, and it gave Roy an oddly fuzzy, and twittery feeling inside, making him want to join in on the fun.

Roy strode forward and walked close to Ed. Then he gave him a tiny push to the side, and Edward missed his mark.

"Hey!" Edward glowered at him after recovering. He didn't look upset so much as he was just caught off guard.

Mustang smirked. "What?" He asked innocently, shrugging his shoulders.

"You did that on purpose!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Fullmetal."

To Roy's amusement, Ed gave him a playful shove back. He didn't budge of course, since he wasn't about to let the boy win after everything he'd gone through today. And as a result, Edward continued to try and shove or trip him. Grunting from the exertion and huffing when each successive attempt was unsuccessful.

After he successfully avoided being tripped for the fifth time, Ed resorted to a different tactic and attached himself securely around Roy's waist. The younger male dug his heels into the ground and Mustang was forced to drag the dead weight forward a few feet.

When Ed didn't relinquish his grip, Roy stopped walking. "Alright, that's enough of that," he announced. He turned around and pried the boy from him. Then quickly grabbed Ed's arm, stooped over, and drug the smaller human across his shoulders and into a fireman's carry.

"Aaah!" Ed shouted in surprise. "Hey! Put me down!"

Roy knew Ed couldn't get down until he let him get down, and he wasn't about to just let him down so soon after capturing him. If he set the riled up boy down now, he could very easily go back to whatever plans he'd been carrying out trying to take out his shins. This was easier. And safer too.

"No, I don't think I will. You can just stay right where you are and just think about what you did to get into this position," he mock scolded.

"But I didn't do anything!" Ed shouted in protest, flailing in such a way that wouldn't harm his holder. "You were the one who started it!"

"That's debatable. Now quiet down like a good little puppy."

"I'm not little!" Ed fumed. "And I am definitely not a puppy, you bastard! Let me down!"

"Hmmm. No. I think I already made it pretty clear, I'm not putting you down, Fullmetal," he said adamantly.

"But-oof!" Roy readjusted and bounced Ed up higher, causing his shoulder to ram into the boy's abdomen. "Oww...fine." Ed gave up and dropped his head onto Mustang's shoulder, not because he wanted to but because there was simply no other place to let it rest comfortably.

"Don't worry, I'll put you down before we get back to the office," he said. "Probably. I do have a reputation to keep after all."

Ed scoffed. "Like you're the one in the compromising position here. Jerk." Roy felt the words more than heard them since they were spoken into his jacket.

"Oh, please. Stop being dramatic. Nobody would even think twice. Trust me," he assured.

"Last time I trusted you, I ended up on train with a psychopath," Ed recalled wistfully.

"And then you were able to take the State Alchemist Exam," Roy pointed out. His eyes darted over his shoulder. "Do you trust me?" He asked, genuinely curious.

"I don't know yet," he admitted with a sigh. "I mean, I think I do, but sometimes...it's hard for me to really trust anyone."

"I see," Roy acknowledged. Then he hummed. "Well, what if I do this?" He faked dropping the youth by leaning back.

Ed scrambled for anything that would prevent him from cracking his head open on the bricks down below and held on with a death grip. "No!"

Roy stood back up and made sure to get a good hold on the boy's arm and automail leg before repeating the process. "How about now? Do you trust me now?"

"No!" Ed yelled, though he sounded amused, like he was trying not to laugh.

Roy stood back up again. "You do know I'm not actually going to drop you, right?"

"Weeeeell…" Ed joked.

"Ed?" He said in warning as he made to lean back a third time.

Ed tightened his holds. "Yes, yes. Okay. I know you won't," he relented. He sighed. "I guess I do trust you."

"Good. I'm glad." Mustang smiled.

"But you're still a bastard, bastard."

"I'd worry if I wasn't." They reached the main building so Mustang bent down to one side. "I'm letting you down now, but you have to walk like a normal person."

"I was walking like a normal person," Ed said defensively when he slid off and back to solid ground and fixed his jacket.

"Walking only on the bricks facing the direction you're walking is not normal, Fullmetal." Roy said, opening the door for both of them.

"I couldn't help it!" Ed felt a blush creep up his neck. "I was bored, okay? Cause _someone_ made me go help with the stupidest case that ever existed."

"Yes, well, if it's any consolation, Fullmetal, that won't be happening again anytime soon." They climbed the stairs to the third floor and settled into their normal routine.

"Good. I wasn't gonna go again anyway."

"Like you have a choice. That's real cute, kid. I'd stop talking now, if I were you. I could change my mind."

"You won't," Ed practically dared him.

Mustang didn't grace him with a response and instead just shrugged and entered the office.

"Wait...you won't," Ed stated, now unsure. "Right?"

Again no response. Mustang entered his personal office and locked the door behind him, leaving the boy to sweat.

"Colonel?" Ed blanched.

Inside, Roy smirked to himself and muttered. "Never again."

 **88888888**

 **A/N: I have absolutely no explanation for this other than I was walking on a curb and got a weird look from an old Korean lady (Before you ask, yes she was Korean. I live in Korea for the moment), so I was like...I guess I won't have fun over here lady. And I hopped off. I decided if I wasn't allowed to have fun, the I'd make Edward have fun, and Roy would have to witness and possibly join in.**

 **Also, just so we all know how important saving any kind of work is, I'm going to give you a scenario. You're writing and your computer crashes or your application closes and you didn't save at all recently, so you lose half your work and have to rewrite the entire ending of your story over again. Does that sound fun? If not, SAVE ALL THE TIME. Be paranoid! That is the end of my advice.**

 **Loved it? Hated it? Meh? I agree. Elle, oh Elle.**

 **O**


	5. Brenne: Radio

**5**

 **Prompt:** Request from Brenne **\- Roy finds out about Ed's guilty pleasure. Children's radio programs. (Special Guest Star: Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes)**

 **Warning: I think we've caught on by now.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **88888888**

"Hey, Ed! Hop in!" Lieutenant Colonel Hughes called out his car window.

Ed, who had been walking the long distance to the office from the hotel, looked up with a huge smile and jogged over to the car. He pulled the front door open and climbed in. "Thanks, Lieutenant Colonel."

"Anytime, Ed. No sense in you walking when I was passing by and we're both going to the same place," Hughes grinned, then gave Edward a look. "Ed…"

"Yes?" he asked innocently snapping his seat belt buckle shut.

"Get in the back, Ed." Hughes ordered, ruffling the blond hair and messing up the braid a bit.

"But it's just a ten minute drive!" Ed tried to reason. "Just this once?" He gave the man the best puppy eyes he could muster, which were quite impressive and would've worked on the stoniest of hearts.

Maes Hughes did not have a heart of stone however. He had a heart of gold. (And possibly a heart of that stuffing they put into teddy bears.) He was a family man through and through with a soft spot for kids. Unfortunately for Edward, that soft spot did not extend to matters of safety. The man simply could not justify taking the chance that something may happen, so he gave the boy an apologetic grin. "Sorry, Ed. Not happening. Now, go on and climb back."

Groaning after his failure, Ed unclacked the seat buckle and clambered over the front seat and flopped into the back. "It's just ten minutes," he grumbled as soon as he was buckled and crossed his arms in discontent.

Hughes looked at him in the rear view mirror to check that Ed was secured, then he pulled away from the curb. "A lot can happen in ten minutes, Ed. Do you know how many traffic accidents I've investigated? Almost all of them were split second indecision by one or more drivers. And while I want to believe I am an attentive and safe driver, I just can't risk it because I know there are other drivers who maybe shouldn't be out on the street. Understand? In a couple years, I'll let you sit up here, but until then, you're stuck in the back. It's safer." He saw Ed's face fall forlornly, and Maes instantly felt for the boy. His face softened, but there was nothing that could make him change his decision.

They settled into an uncomfortable silence, so he turned the volume knob on the radio until he felt a click and sound started echoing into the car.

" _...and today we are just beginning to see the effect that the collapse had on-"_

He grimaced and twisted the tuning knob to the left, and settled between two smaller lines all the way near the lower end of the spectrum. He couldn't help but smile when this station settled.

" _...darkness surrounded him and his uneasiness from before had transformed into anxiety. His heart raced, he could feel the small organ beating up against his ribcage, trying to escape. An intense fear claimed him when the secret entrance he'd just come though, opened again._

" ' _Who could that possibly be?' thought Nidah'la. He'd come to this cavern alone. The only other person who even knew he was here was…His eyes grew wide and he quickly ran and hid behind a giant, ruby red chest. The passage opened for the second time that night and a long shadow cast across the dirt floor. Clacking footsteps traveled closer to him. The sound could only have been that of a palace guard, or the imperial magistrate. Nobody else in the kingdom could afford such sturdy shoes…"_

"What's this?" Ed piped up suddenly from the back seat.

Hughes looked at him in the mirror again. "Oh, this is just the ch-" he stopped mid-sentence and cleared his throat. "It's just a station where they read books and tell stories." He was not about to reveal to Ed that this was actually a station aimed at children. He'd majorly offend the young alchemist. "It's better than the news. That stuff is just depressing. Everyday it's always natural disasters, riots, politics...It's work. I save work for work. So this is usually what I listen to. I found it when Gracia was still pregnant and started falling asleep on me during long drives. Do you like it?" Hughes asked, genuinely curious.

Ed gave his head a thoughtful tilt to one side. "It's...interesting. How long does it take them to read the books? Is it always the same story?"

Hughes was pleased that Ed seemed to enjoy something that was actually intended for him. He wasted no time in answering the boy's question. "It depends on how long the story is. Some of the stories are shorter than others and they only last about half an hour to an hour. Others like this one, are segmented over a couple weeks. I actually really enjoy this one in particular. It's an older tale than what they normally air, but it's one of the more adventurous that I've heard over the past year. It's called _Nidah'la: Diamond in the Dust_. I think it's the first story of three. And those three stories are part of a larger collection of stories." He explained, hoping to hook the boy into listening. "If you can find a radio, every week it's on in the morning and repeats in the evening at 7 o'clock. Station 540. But that's just this story. They play others throughout the day as well. All kinds of fun stuff."

Ed nodded. "I might have to check it out. I think Al would like them too."

Hughes smiled. "I don't doubt it, Ed."

They continued to listen to the story of Nidah'la the rest of the way to work, but Edward would have to try and listen to the second airing later that night. Ten minutes wasn't enough to get the whole story, and he found that in that small amount of time, he'd actually gotten quite attached to the young hero.

 _Two weeks later..._

"Ugh! This is so boring! Is this what you guys do _all_ day?" Ed complained from one of the couches. He would've been researching, but the library was closed for inventory and Mustang said he needed to maintain accountability or something.

"Yes. It's called work, Fullmetal. It's not supposed to be entertaining." Colonel Mustang looked up from his paperwork. "Get your feet off the couch, Fullmetal. Why don't you go find a book or something," he suggested with an idle wave of his hand as he went back to his task of signing the neverending pile of work orders and reports.

"There's nothing interesting here. Besides, I'm pretty sure I've read all the alchemy books you could possibly have in this room," Ed said arrogantly.

Mustang raised his eyebrow and smirked. "I highly doubt that, Fullmetal. Some of these are from my personal collection."

That piqued Ed's interest, so he sat up and leaned towards his superior. "Oh, yeah? I didn't know you read books Mustang. Here I thought all you ever had time for was reading stupid reports and giving me dead-end missions."

Mustang rolled his eyes at the paper in front of his face. "Well you were mistaken, Fullmetal. I have plenty of time to assign you dead-end missions, read reports, and keep up with alchemic studies."

Clearly, Ed would have to be more straight-forward. "Can I see one then?"

"What was that?" Mustang hadn't been listening. He was busy reading 'stupid reports.'

Ed bristled. "I said, can I see one? One of your books?"

"Oh, sure. There over there," Mustang pointed to a tall bookshelf in the corner of the room. "Top shelf."

Ed walked over and looked up. A vein in his forehead pulsed irritably. _I can't reach that,_ he admitted to himself silently. He turned to look at the man behind the desk.

Roy was smirking, but made no comment about the short alchemist's inability to reach the books. He also made no move to help. "What's wrong, Fullmetal? I thought you wanted to read them?"

Ed huffed. "You know what? I decided I don't want to read them after all. They're probably stuff me and Al already read anyway. I'm leaving."

"If you mean leaving as in going to the outer office, fine. Stay there though. You're not dismissed until five."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, Whatever." He slammed the door to the office on his way out.

"What's up, chief?" Second Lieutenant Havoc greeted from his desk. "Boss send you out here to help?"

"No," Ed glared back at the door. "I got tired of looking at his smug face."

"Well, do you want to help me file these?" the blue-eyed man offered. "It won't take long." Ed gave him a look that said, _I don't actually want to do work_. "If you help, I'll drive you to the diner for lunch," Havoc said in an attempt to persuade the kid to help him. Ed looked like he was considering it so he went in for the kill and sang out, "I'll buy~~."

A large grin spread across the twelve year old's face. "Okay. But you better not regret your offer."

"Deal, Ed."

They worked through the rest of the documents and case files until a little past noon, then walked out to the car along with Second Lieutenant Breda. The larger man got into the passenger seat and Ed filed into the back. They drove in a relative silence for the first few minutes, then Ed spoke up. "Hey, can we listen to the radio?"

Havoc looked up. "Huh? Oh sure. Which station?"

"Station 540?" Ed requested.

Breda's eyebrows raised and he exchanged a stunned look with Havoc. Breda had three younger siblings, two of which were close enough to Ed's age. So he was familiar with the station, he just didn't expect that Edward would be interested in it. He decided not to comment and turned the radio on, tuning it the children's station.

" _...blonde hair whipped past her face as she fell faster and faster seemingly to the center of the world. Elise felt as though she had been falling for hours now, and while it had been terrifying at first, she had grown quite used to it. So used to it in fact, that she decided perhaps a nap would not be a terrible idea. It was better than waiting for the falling to stop. She'd grown weary of watching dirt and roots and the occasional lamp or book fly past her. So far, nothing had gotten close enough to harm her, so she closed her eyes._

" _The moment she closed them however, her stomach lurched near up to her heart and her eyes shot back open in a flash, revealing large blue orbs. She peered below her to see solid ground._ 'I'm going to be a pancake!' _she thought fearfully. She tried to scramble and grab the wall around her, but no matter what she did, she was unable to get closer._

" _Finally, Elise accepted her fate as a future pancake. The ground was almost upon her, and how she wished she had listened to her sister. Maybe if she had, she wouldn't be in this predicament. She closed her eyes and waited for the bottom of the pit to consume her._

" _Instead of a horrible death, which she had been expecting, Elise opened her eyes with a confused frown. She had touched down softly and was now laying on plush rug-"_

Havoc shut the car off.

"Why did you-?" Ed started, appalled that Havoc would shut the car off without warning him first.

"Sorry, Ed. We're at the diner. We only have an hour so we have to hurry. Come on."

"Oh." Ed forgot they had actually come out with the purpose of getting food. "Right. You're still buying, right?" he asked, jumping out of the car and slamming the door shut as the trio walked into the small establishment.

"I said I would, didn't I?" Havoc smiled, clapping the boy on the shoulder.

"Aw, thanks, buddy," Breda laughed.

Havoc sent him a glare. "I didn't promise you shit, Breda. You can get your own lunch. Maybe next time you'll help me with the filing instead of claiming your assistance is 'needed elsewhere'. Second Lieutenant Weiss was perfectly capable of carrying a few boxes down to the cage by herself. Damn liar."

"Still worth it. And fine. I'll buy my own lunch. You're just jealous she asked me and not you."

Ed ignored his comrades and opened the door to the diner. Wondering what would become of Elise. How did she start falling? Why was she in the center of the world? How did she not turn into mush? He had questions dammit! Unfortunately he wouldn't be able to get them answered anytime soon. According to Hughes, they didn't repeat afternoon readings. He'd just have to see if he could get Al to find this story in the public library.

 _Another week later…_

Second Lieutenant Havoc pulled the car around front and waited for Edward and the Colonel to come out of the main building.

He saw a flash of bright red and gold running his way through the rain. The blond threw open the front door and climbed in.

Havoc gave him questioning look.

"Oh, come on, we're just going down the road a few minutes. It's not even that far. Please?" He flashed puppy eyes and a pout at the blue-eyed man.

Havoc opened his mouth to say no, but ended up sighing in defeat. "Okay, but if the boss says to get in the back you have to get in the back."

"Fine."

He turned the radio on and switched it to 540.

" _...the young man was prepared to duel to the death. The three men standing in front of him seemed like seasoned warriors of the sword, and he was probably far beneath them in terms of abilities and experience. No, not probably, that was a definite truth. He had never experienced battle, and had only ever gotten into petty duels with the oafs in his home town._

" _Still these man had insulted not only his intelligence but also his lifelong dream. How dare they tell him the royal guard was disbanded! Why, even with the legendary guard disbanded, he swore to the three men, 'I don't care if you say it's impossible! I shall become one of the King's own, yet. Even if I have to create a new guard from scratch!'..."_

Havoc smiled seeing Ed fall into the story. He'd gotten into the habit of tuning to the station automatically every time the boy got in the car now. He'd driven Ed home almost every day for the past week because of the seasonal nonstop rain. Today was only different because he had to drive the Colonel as well since the man had gotten a flat the previous evening. Speaking of…

The raven-haired man was strolling up to the car, umbrella in hand, shielding him from getting his upper half wet. Mustang pulled on the front door and glared through the window at Ed. Unfortunately, Ed was in a far off land and not paying enough attention to notice. He grimaced and sent a dirty look to Havoc, who shrugged. Then he opened the back and slid in.

"Why is he in the front, Second Lieutenant Havoc?" he asked accusingly.

"I tried to say, no, boss," Havoc defended. "I swear, but he did that thing with his eyes. He just looked so pitiful and I couldn't do it. I said he had to go back though, if you said to."

"Alright," Mustang nodded. "Edward. Get in the back," he ordered, leaving no room for discussion.

Edward didn't respond so Havoc turned the volume on the radio down and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, chief," he gestured to the back. Ed turned around.

"Huh?"

"Get back here. You're not sitting in the front." Mustang said sternly.

"But-"

"No."

Ed let his head drop forward. He had been _so_ close.

"Hurry up. The rain is supposed to get worse."

"Okay, okay. I'm moving." He scrambled over the seat and dropped unceremoniously into the back, accidentally kicking the Colonel in the face in the process.

"Ow! Fullmetal! Hurry up and sit down, dammit!" Mustang fumed, rubbing his cheek. "You shouldn't even be in the front in the first place."

"It was worth a shot," Ed shrugged easily, not seeming to care that he'd just assaulted his commanding officer.

Not really wanting to listen to the two bicker, Havoc turned the radio back up and pulled away from the curb.

" _... guards dressed in all red surrounded the three men and the young dreamer. One of the men looked to his companions and the three men seemed to reach an agreement. 'It would seem our duel is at an end, lad. What say you to joining us in a rumble with these pompous servants of the chancellor?'_

" _The youth looked between the three of them, momentarily suspicious, then he nodded. 'It would be my pleasure, gentlemen. My name is L'Acharnement. What may I call you, three?..."_

Mustang frowned. "Lieutenant? Why are we listening to the ch-" he stopped talking when their driver coughed. He looked up and noticed the purposeful gaze locking eyes with him in the rear view mirror. Havoc's eyes flicked to the side. Mustang got the message.

He looked to Ed sitting next to him. The kid looked deep in thought, elbow rested on the window sill and chin resting on his gloved automail hand. That didn't really look comfortable, but Ed didn't seem to care. He was far away right now, and he looked content to just sit and listen. Not something he was well known for.

Mustang covered a surprised chuckle with a cough and made eye contact with their chauffeur, letting the dirty-blond know that he got it. He wouldn't say anything. Not today anyway.

He looked out the opposite window and smiled. He never would have guessed that Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist, would willingly listen to a children's radio program. He glanced back at Ed, trying to figure out why Edward would even let them know he liked this station. The kid was so damn determined to be an adult afterall. It just didn't make any sense.

Then it hit him.

 _He doesn't know it's a station for kids._

He couldn't help his his mouth from pulling up toward one side. There was only one person alive who could have tricked Ed into listening to children's stories and not garner any suspicion.

This was the work of Maes Hughes. There was no doubt about it. Next time they went out, he'd have to ask the man how he had done it.

Mustang breathed easy, content to just sit and listen along with the boy. This was one of his favorite stories from his childhood afterall. Maybe it could become one of Edward's as well.

 **88888888**

 **A/N: I won't lie. I had no idea what Children's Radio Programs actually entailed, so I decided that if I'd make it up. I thought about it and was like, if I was a kid, I would want them to tell me stories. Like back in the day for long car rides, me and my dad used to listen to Artemis Fowl. Great audio books. Really hope they actually do come out with a movie. That would be boss.**

 **Anywho,** **the request inspired this little diddy the moment I read it since I was able to make it fit my theme. It's not my desire to take requests, but I cannot stop you. I hope this didn't end up too horrible. I've been sitting on this guy for a while trying to think up a better way to end it, but I'm calling it and I must now move on.**

 **If you enjoyed, please drop a review. If you did not enjoy it, you're free to drop a review as well. If you want to tell me which three real-life stories I used and tweaked, drop it in a review. Thanks for reading! Elle, oh Elle.**

 **O**


	6. Guest It's 10: Traffic

**Surprise Double Down Update**

 **6**

 **Prompt:** Request from guest It's 10 - **Ed and Roy are taking a long-axx car ride or they're stuck in traffic and Ed REALLY needs to use the bathroom.**

 **Warnings: See previous chapters. And also this one is CRACK. I'm sorry.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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Roy Mustang was using every ounce of control in his body to keep from banging his head on the steering wheel in front of him. _I didn't know Amestris even_ had _this many cars,_ he thought. He looked at the clock on the dashboard and groaned internally _Seven o'clock?! I knew we should have left before the workday ended. I hope Riza's happy…_.

"Where are we? Are we close?" His backseat passenger asked, sounding bored.

He peeked in the rear view mirror and did his utter best to not roll his eyes or scream at the boy. Instead, he just tightened his grip on the wheel and grit his teeth together. He took a deep breath through his nose and answered, "No, Fullmetal. For the fifth time, we are _not_ almost there. We are stuck in traffic, and we have been for the past _hour_." The last word had a bite to it as he started to lose his cool. "And if you ask me again, I'm going to make you walk back to Central and still make it to formation at eight tomorrow morning."

"Che! I was just wondering." Ed leaned up against the door and stared out the window like he was the only victim sitting in the car.

"That's what you said last time...and the time before that...and the time before that..." Roy's head quirked to the side, clearly irritated to the point of madness. He wasn't even sure of he was talking to Fullmetal, or if it was just his inner thoughts forcing their way out of his mouth in hopes that sanity would once again be found. "You know what, how about this? How about-and I know this is going to sound crazy but hear me out-how about you just _sit_ there? And I'll let you know when we've arrived." Roy shrugged his shoulders and smiled manically. "How does that sound? Because I actually really like this idea. It involves you and being quiet. And i know it's very hard, apparently, for you too keep all that noise inside that tiny little body of yours," Edward was shouting some ridiculous non-comeback at him so Roy raised his voice, "but please, please, _please_ just let us continue this drive in silence?"

Edward was out of breath from whatever rant he'd just unleashed, and for a few precious moments the only sounds were that of his panting and the occasional honking of a horn in the distance. Roy sighed, content with the relative quiet.

"Okay, but I just wanna know how far we are right now?"

Roy slapped one hand to his face and dragged it down, letting the appendage linger over his mouth. When he finally dropped the hand back to the wheel he let out a terse, "Why?! Why do need to know, Fullmetal?!" He didn't understand!

Ed dramatically throw his arms into the air. "I have to take a leak! Okay?! Geez! I just wanted to know how much longer I had to wait…" Ed huffed and crossed his arms across his chest before sinking down in the seat.

"Unbelievable." Roy felt a headache coming on and he pinched the bridge of his nose. "We're still two hours away. Can you hold it?"

". . ."

Roy looked back over his shoulder and raised a brow expectantly. "Fullmetal? I said, can you hold it?"

Ed blushed a furious shade of magenta. "No, I kinda have to go...now."

" _Now_? Why the hell didn't you say something before? You know what, no, better question, why didn't you go before we left?" Roy accused. He checked over his shoulder and bullied his way into the right lane. Not getting an answer he tried again. "Well?"

"I didn't have to go then," Ed explained with a frown. Obviously if he had to go, he would have gone. _Idiot Colonel._

The vein in Roy's temple pulsed. "I _told_ you it was a three hour drive, Edward. That means to take care of any business you may have to do so we don't have to stop." The frustration he felt in this moment was unlike any other frustration he'd come into contact with prior, and that included Hughes' regular onslaught of wifey pics and unwarranted marriage counselings. This was entirely different. Why did he even bother warning the younger male of he wasn't going to take the hint? Roy thought his hint was pretty obvious.

"I know, but I didn't have to go," Ed defended weakly.

"But you should have thought ahead." It was so basic. He sighed. "Can you at least wait until we see a rest stop or a diner or...something?" Roy scanned the road ahead of them. Of course in their time of need, he didn't see anything coming up.

"I don't think I can wait. It's an emergency now."

"What?! Edward! You have to tell me _before_ it's an emergency! We could have stopped half an hour ago in Awrosut!"

"But I didn't know I had to go until now!"

"What are you? Three? How the hell did you not know until just right now?!"

"I just wasn't paying attention!"

"HOW DO YOU JUST NOT PAY ATTENTION TO THAT?! You've been alive for almost thirteen years, Ed! You should know what having to piss feels like!" Roy was practically tearing his hair out now.

"Urgh! Geez! I'm sorry! I couldn't help it. Can't you just pull over?!" Ed pleaded. "I have to go. NOW."

Roy glanced in the mirror and saw the desperation in those golden eyes. He really didn't want to pull over here. It was dangerous. But if he wanted a clean interior, he had no choice. "Dammit. Fine." He guided the car over to the shoulder and braked until they were at a halt. "Okay. Hurry up and go," Roy ordered. "And be careful."

"Yeah, okay. Don't leave without me, bastard." Ed hopped out of the car in a flurry and ran a few meters away.

Roy watched Ed futz around with the front of his pants then saw the tenseness of Ed's shoulders fade away. _He really must've had to go._ And now Roy wondered exactly how long Ed had been holding it.

Roy would have to force him to go before they made the return trip, even if the tween claimed he didn't have to. This was the last time he would be pulling over to the side like a damn country bumpkin. And clearly Edward did not know how his bladder worked. Next thing you know, he'll have to start putting mandatory bathroom breaks on the schedule at work...

The rear passenger door opened and slammed shut. "You good?" Roy asked. "You got rid of everything, right? Because we aren't stopping again," he warned.

Ed nodded and shoved the buckle into the receiver. "I'm good."

Roy nodded and pulled out back onto the road, then slowly matched the speed of those around him. Somehow, during the five minutes it had taken them to pull over, take care of business, and argue, the traffic had subsided somewhat, as had Roy's previous annoyance with the preteen and his idiocy.

"Hey, Colonel."

"What?"

"Can we stop and get something to eat? I'm hungry."

Roy felt the nerve in his temple pop back out again. His head tilted slightly to the side in a twitch and he asked a question he was pretty sure he already knew the answer to. "Why didn't you eat before we left?"

"I wasn't hungry."

"Of course you weren't." With a heavy sigh, Roy noted that Edward was incapable of thinking ahead. He wasn't sure if it was an Edward thing, or an all kids thing, but he'd have to start training that out of him. Still, he couldn't very well let the young alchemist starve. "We'll stop when we get to Goeb. Now just sit there and be quiet."

Again, silence overtook the car with the only notable sound being that of the car itself as it sped down the road. It had only been five minutes when the voice in the back piped up once again to torment Roy.

"Are we almost there?"

"Yes, Edward. We're almost there," he lied. This was going to be a long two hours….

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 **Guest It's 10: This was too funny not to write something for. Sorry it came as CRACK.**

 **A/N: I did not take a lot of time for this. It came out as CRACK and my deal with CRACK is I just let that xhit flow. I apologize.**

 **And I'm sorry to have to say this, but I do not think I will be taking any more requests** **through reviews** **. I have had a few requests that already match one of the near twenty prompts sitting in my queue. Prompts which are either for this story or are waiting to become a one-shot of their own. So please sit tight.**

 **If you want to speak to me about a request you MUST have filled or you will literally (or figuratively) die. Please** **PM me via your account** **so I can at least talk to you about the possibilities or let you know I already have something planned.**

 **I still urge you to write up your own ideas though. You are the only person who knows what you want to write and knows how you want it written. Please remember my "Screw it, I'm writing what** _**I want**_ **to write" mentality. Passion is what drives people to do anything in life. If you are passionate about an idea, you will write it better than I will ever be able to. I promise you that.**

 **Anywho, thank you for reading. I'm sorry if I offended anyone with this Author's Note. That was not my intent.**

 **Please leave a review! Even if you didn't enjoy, I want to know.**

 **Elle, oh well...**

 **O**

 **Guest: Those are currently in my queue. The sugar rush one, I have already failed at numerous times….but if I ever end up figuring that out, I hope you enjoy. Otherwise, I will hope to enjoy reading it from you! ^^**


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